Instead of viewing support as detracting from independence, recognize that it allows for autonomy
We tend to shy away from offers of help. Somewhere in our brains, we associate support with a personal failing.
This preconceived notion doesn’t serve us. Instead, if we can allow for a little support, we can preserve our independence.
For example, consider these thoughts: I can’t walk steadily. Or I can’t be bothered to grocery shop and cook for myself. These phrases stop us. We don’t move as much, or we miss out on the nutrition we need.
When we alter those phrases to include some support, we can unleash momentum. For example, if “I can’t walk steadily” is followed by “so I need a cane,” we are able to keep moving. If “I can’t bother to cook” is followed by “so I’ll get takeout,” then our nutritional needs are better met, and we have energy to keep going.
Assistance does not take away our independence. In fact, just the opposite. Assistance supports independence.
Misleading Terms
For some unknown reason, the senior living industry adopted nonsensical terms. For example, many communities are divided between “Independent Living” and “Assisted Living” apartments. The widely held belief is that these belong in a hierarchy. Living independently is seen as more desirable.
Yet these terms confuse us. No one is independent. We all rely on others for all sorts of things—companionship, food, education, medical advice, meaning and purpose—to name just a few. Throughout our lives, we are fortunate to get support from others—teachers, coaches, mentors, parents, friends, clergy, work colleagues, and neighbors, among others.
We rely on others for all kinds of assistance throughout our lives. Thank goodness I don’t need to try to cut my own hair!
The life lived without assistance seems like a very poor life indeed.
Saying yes to a little support allows you to say yes to more of what you want to do.
Starting Small
At Bruceville Point, we view assistance as a service, not a place. Residents living in any apartment can add support services at any time. We want to make it as easy as possible for people to add support where it can benefit them so that they, in turn, can live more independently.
If one is unsure of how to join a new fitness class, they might choose not to attend. But given a little support, like a reminder and maybe an escort to the class, they might show up. They might meet a new neighbor at the class, get their heart rate up, and even laugh at the instructor’s dad joke. A little assistance was all it took to get them moving in a positive direction. And that bit of movement will help keep them mobile, able to say yes to what they want to do.
A personal invitation and introduction to a fitness class has a big impact if one is hesitant to attend, and attending can, in turn, open up many possibilities.
We encourage residents and their families to start with some assistance early and small. Our goal is to offer small check-ins, not takeovers. These small check-ins, such as getting to a class, often make everything else smoother. They also allow care partners and residents the chance to get to know each other. All relationships are built on trust, and trust usually starts small and grows.
Foundation of Trust
If more help is needed later, we want to have an established foundation of trust. It can be hard to hand someone your medication and trust they’ll do it right. When one knows care partners can be depended upon for the small things, then the bigger or more intimate things are easier.
Enjoying meals made by loving people is more than simply about nutrition. They nourish our souls as well as our bodies.
With a little assistance, life becomes larger. We are empowered to take the next step. A helping hand is a gift, not a punishment. Set aside your preconceived notions and welcome the support. Or better yet, put yourself in the helper’s role. Wouldn’t you be thrilled to offer your help to someone else?
Giving and receiving are at the foundation of our relationships. And the strength of our relationships impacts the quality of our lives.
